


still you find me, still you want me

by hi_raeth



Series: reblog (mini fics + prompt fills) [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy/Hopeful Ending, F/M, Tumblr ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 13:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14955884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_raeth/pseuds/hi_raeth
Summary: Following an argument with Han that leads to a heart attack, a fight with Rey that ends in her walking out, and a confrontation with Snoke that culminates in his resignation, Kylo Ren finds himself in a dark place.And then Rey comes home.





	still you find me, still you want me

**Author's Note:**

> [I received a prompt over on Tumblr asking for a fic inspired by an Imagine Dragons song](https://eleanor-writes-stuff.tumblr.com/post/174361618495/hi-i-was-wondering-if-you-do-prompts-ive-had), and ended up dusting off my angst skills to balance out all the ridiculous fluff I've been writing for these two. But don't worry, I could never leave our precious babies without a happy-ish ending.
> 
> Title derived from Imagine Dragons' _Next to Me_.

Kylo Ren has fucked up way too many times to count. There was that time he got into such a huge argument with his uncle that he stormed off and made the impulsive, idiotic decision to run away from home. Soon after – though he didn’t know it then, wouldn’t until many years later when it was too late – he fell in with Snoke’s crowd, the lowest of lows. It’s been a downward spiral ever since – as if life is a game he’s playing against his own fucking self, as if his life’s ambition is to keep outdoing himself.

But this… this is it. With his father in the hospital, Snoke’s men out for blood, and  _her_ gone – he’s finally done it, he’s well and truly hit rock bottom.

The apartment is in constant darkness now, has been ever since he locked himself away from the outside world yesterday. The floor is littered with glass – his phone, empty bottles, the whole fucking coffee table.  _Fuck_ , she’d loved that table, had picked it out with him, her first real piece of furniture,  _their_ first in a new life together, a life in smithereens just like the table now.

His mother is by his father’s side, his father is dying or dead (gone either way, lost to him for good because there’s no coming back from this), and the only other person in his life walked out on him days ago, cried and raged against him until there was nothing left in her – no more anger, no more tears, no more love.

No one’s coming for him.

But he should be used to this by now, shouldn’t he? Used to the mess, to the pain, to destroying every good thing in his life with his darkness.

His uncle had been right, all those years ago, that first of many lows: he really is a fucking mess, always has been and always will be.

 

* * *

 

Time passes. When he drags a hand down his face, the prickly stubble isn’t as sharp as he remembers it being, as it should be.

Four days, then. He usually shaves after three – she always made him, nose scrunched up in distaste even as her eyes glittered with laughter as she jokingly banned him from kisses until he could get his hands on a razor.

When the door opens and a sliver of light snakes its way into the apartment, he wonders if maybe it’s been a full week instead. Anything less would not have driven his mother to come all this way and bully the super into letting her in–

“Kylo?”

The lights come on, and suddenly the world is on fire and the floor glitters with a million tiny crystals and  _Rey_ , Rey is back and staring at him in horror and trapped in his mess as always.

“Kylo,” she breathes, picking a careful path across the living room, the occasional shard of glass crunching under her boots. And then she’s right there, right in front of him, a front-row seat to the scrapes on his hands and the bruises under his eyes and the fucking disaster that he is.

Rey’s eyes shine with tears as she sinks to her knees before him, shaky hands reaching out to grasp his face and his attention. “Kylo, what did you  _do_?”

He blinks, disconcerted by her presence and the question and his hangover. “I quit,” he finally tells her, slow and hushed as if it’s news to both of them. “I quit my job and I threatened Snoke,  _fuck what did I do_ –” His eyes widen and his breathing speeds up and Rey drags him down, pulls him into her arms and holds him close.

“The right thing, love,” she tells him, her voice shaky and thick with tears. “You did the right thing. I always knew you would.”

“But you... you  _left_ ,” Kylo whimpers into her neck, helpless against the warm tears escaping him to pool in the hollow of her collarbones.

“To give you time and space,” Rey tells him slowly, patiently, a tinge of disbelief and concern creeping into her voice. “Did you think- oh, Kylo,” she pulls away and he watches as her lower lip trembles in distress, as she gently takes his face in her hands, and all he can think of is how his stubble must be scratching her skin, how he’s always, always hurting her in some way.

“Kylo,” she whispers, all heartbreaking sincerity and forceful gentleness and  _Rey_. “I didn’t walk out on you. I won’t  _ever_  walk out on you.”

She should; if he were a better man he’d tell her so himself. But a week without Rey, a future without Rey – it’s nothing. It’s hell. “Please don’t,” he begs, bringing tentative hands up to engulf hers. “Please, I know I’m a fucking disaster and I always mess up and I keep letting you down but  _please_ , Rey, I’ll change, I promise–”

That’s what she’s always wanted, isn’t it?  _Stop before it’s too late, you can change, there’s still time to fix everything –_ his mother probably hates him and his father might not make it out of the hospital but  _god_ , he hopes it’s not too late.

Rey smiles – a small, tearful thing - and rises up on her haunches to press her forehead to his. “Shh,” she whispers soothingly. “I know you will. And I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

“Rey–” he breathes against her lips.

A warning rises to the tip of his tongue,  _you don’t know what I’ve done you don’t know how far gone I am you could spend the rest of our lives trying –_

“I’m right here, love,” she promises him. “Right next to you, always.”

And Kylo–

Kylo’s still a disaster – was born one, has always been one – but for Rey, with Rey, he wants to be less of a mess. So he whispers as much, and she kisses him and declares  _it’s a start._

And so it is.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate the ending, but if I didn’t wrap it up there this thing would’ve dragged on forever. Fun fact: this is my very first ficlet ever! Just around a thousand words, which feels like an achievement given how my fics usually tend to spiral out of control word count-wise.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope this wasn't a total waste of everyone's time, and as usual, I'd love to hear from you guys so don't hesitate to reach out/comment.


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